Etiquette with Emily: An Ugly Bridesmaid Dress

post from Southern Weddings Magazine on 09 February 2010 04:00:00 PM. © Southern Weddings Magazine

Hey y’all! We were so happy to see how much you loved Katie Brown’s new column (see it here if you missed it the first time around). One of you commented that while you loved Katie’s topic, you'd love to see a similar column written from the bridesmaid’s perspective.

Well ask and you shall receive, lovely readers! We’re not ready to roll out an entirely new column, but I thought for the next month or so, we’d tackle a few thorny attendant issues right here in Etiquette with Emily. I’m going to be a bridesmaid not once but TWICE this year (once for my sister and once for my dear Katharine), which I’m going to pretend makes me something of an expert. You with me? Good.

Up first? The bridesmaid dress! (Dun dun dun.) And what to do if you hate it. To be honest, we’ve come a long way from the peach and aqua prom dress imposters of yore (Katherine Heigl excepted, apparently! And hey -- vintage prom dresses can be beautiful!) In our real wedding interviews, brides often note that one of their top priorities was finding a reasonably priced dress that was worthy of being worn again for the girls gracious to stand next to them on W-Day.

Which sounds great. But in actuality, is still easier said than done. For instance, one of my favorite cocktail dresses of all time is the J. Crew Bow Monde dress. Gorgeous? I sure think so! But many a friend who I’ve eagerly shown this number to has blanched at the oversize bow.

So, to the point: what if you hate the dress that has been chosen for you to wear? Ms. Post weighs in:

"It's important [for the bride] to think about [her] bridesmaids' height and figures and look for styles that will be as flattering as possible for everyone. Though the maid of honor traditionally assists in the selection of bridesmaids' attire, try to consult with all your attendants."

Okay, well, yes. Good point, Ms. Post. But if it's ugly, not just ill-fitting, are you "allowed" to say anything? (Keeping in mind, of course, that "ugly" is often in the eye of the beholder.) I think that depends on the bride and your relationship with her. If she's proven to be at all touchy or protective about her wedding decisions, I'd say to drop it. BUT! If, in the past, 1) she's seemed receptive to constructive criticism, 2) you're confident that the other maids agree with you on the, errr, aesthetic value of the dress in question, and 3) you have a close relationship with the bride, I'd give you the green light to approach the subject. Preferably before a deposit's been put down.

What about y'all? Anyone ever worn an "ugly" bridesmaid dress? Did you say something to the bride? Did you want to? If you did, how did the conversation go? Do you have any advice? Spill the deets, please!

?As always, if you have an etiquette conundrum, please send it my way! We’d love to hash it out on the blog. That’s emily at iloveswmag dot com.

All images from IMDB.com

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